I have a story to tell…

I have a story to tell. It’s not my story, but I am part of it. When I came out as bisexual in January of 2014, I decided to use my blog as a way of coping with it. I read some very interesting posts on bisexuality. I also met, Rob/Kdaddy23.

Rob became my mentor. He explained so many things to me. He helped me figure out some stuff. And he made me realize that maybe I could have a husband, and a girlfriend. He explained that there has to be rules. Things needed to be agreed on. But it is possible to have a somewhat open marriage.

Personally, I haven’t had much luck when it came to dating. I did go on a few dates, and got to have one sexual experience. My husband says it’s ok for me to explore, but balks at me actually looking.

So, that’s a little background info on me. One day I was on Whisper. And this guy messaged me. I will call him Max. He tells me that his wife is bisexual. She has never experienced being with a woman. She wanted to, but wanted to be faithful to her husband.

So, here’s kind of the surprise element. He wants his wife to explore her sexuality. He wants her to find a woman to be with. He asks me how to convince her.

I honestly don’t remember that I told him. But I did say it’s not cheating if she has permission. If he agrees to it, then it could happen.

I did point out several things to him that he hadn’t considered. Like where could she find this woman? Where would they have sex? Would the woman be introduced to family, and if so, as what? How much family money could be allocated for dates/hotels.

I also warned him about jealousy. This would be something he was not a part of. Threesomes would most likely not be a thing.

Well, he talked to his wife. She decided to go for it. She got on OK Cupid, and immediately started talking to woman. And…..found a date for that night. Max was rather stunned. He was not expecting things to move that fast.

I told him for safety’s sake, get the woman’s name and phone number. And tell him to have his wife text him to let him know where she was.

Well, the date went well. And his wife decided to spend the night with her at a hotel. That went well too. Max was kind of giving me play by plays throughout the night. He was feeling the effects of the jealousy I warned him about.

When his wife got home. she smelled of the other woman. That turned him on. They ended up having sex that morning, and that made him happy.

At first, when Max and his wife were figuring out the rules, it was to be no sex in the homes. But the women decided that they wanted to be at home. So the rules were changed.

So, the two families met, and got along. The relationship was explained to the kids. The other husband, and children went home. The women went to the couple’s bedroom. Max slept in the guest bedroom.

Things moved very quickly. The women clicked. Max likes the other husband, and the families get along. That is their story.

Me? I’m suffering from extreme jealousy. I’ve been looking for a year, and couldn’t find anyone who evens wants to hang out with me, much less have sex. But this isn’t my story.

I asked Max if this would have happened if he hadn’t talked to me. He said it wasn’t very likely. So, two women I have never met, and will never meet, had their lives changed because of my conversation with Max. I helped a man convince his wife to find a female lover.

That makes me feel kind of odd. They were my words, but honestly, most of the thoughts came from my conversations with Rob, https://kdaddy23.wordpress.com/

Things seem great at this early stage. The families are getting together again soon. I’m happy for them, and yet I still suffer from jealousy. I can’t help it. I’m happy for them. It seems like they hit a home run the first time at bat. So, I need to remove my emotions from this. This is their story, but it wouldn’t have had a start if not for me. But it is my story to tell.

 

In sickness and in health

My husband is sick, and was kind enough to share it with me. I know we all get whiny when we’re sick, but he takes it to another level. I haven’t slept well in days, and I really don’t have the patience. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I can for him. I made him a big pot of chicken noodle soup at 1am for him because he wanted it. But I can’t physically make him better.

I’m not feeling well either. I kept waking up, coughing. We both got some cold medicine today. I had to get the high blood pressure stuff. I’m hope I feel better by tomorrow. I know I’m taking the night time stuff tonight. I have to sleep.

It’s bad enough when one of us is sick, when both of us are, tempers seem to flare. He wants to be babied, and I want to be left alone. Not fun.

Marriage is about give and take. Sometimes both people are strong. Sometimes one is strong, and is the other’s support. Sometimes both are weak, and take turn propping the other one up. It sucks when both people are sick, but you just deal with it, and move on.

 

 

Who am I?

Who am I? I don’t know anymore. My name is Ellen. I’ve been married for going on 22 years. I’m fat. I’m short/average. I’ve been bisexual my entire life, but was too ignorant to know/accept it until last year. I defy society by loving more than one person. I have damaged my marriage by loving more than one person.

In the past two years, I have changed. And not necessarily in a good way. I became more sexual than I have ever been. But when you’re in a monogamous relationship, that isn’t a good thing.

I have wanted to explore, to experience other things. And I can’t. I get frustrated. I am expected to behave a certain way. And I should. My husband should have a faithful wife.

I seriously hurt my husband with my actions. I never wanted to do that, but it was the result. He has been a loving, supportive husband. He has been faithful, and never cheated in any way. I have cheated in every way except the physical.

He has been the only person to touch my body in 23 years. I have never screwed around on him physically. But what I’ve done is just as bad. I desired other people. I let things get out of control.

I did a great amount of harm to our marriage yesterday. He took his ring off. That scared me. I know that I’ve pushed him too far. He has been tolerant, but not anymore.

How did I turn into that kind of person? When did I become so selfish? Oh, I can tell you the date that things started changing for me. It was July 7, 2013. A certain man started following me on Twitter. He set a chain of events into motion, and my life hasn’t been the same since.

Who am I? I am a remorseful woman. I am someone who has had a wake up call. My actions were not harmless fun. I did damage, almost fatal damage.

Yesterday was a breaking point in my marriage. He made me tell J I had to unfollow him, and quit talking to him. I had to make a choice. There is no choice, my husband is my everything. I unfollowed J on Twitter, and deleted his number.

I cried, and begged David to reconsider. I didn’t want to lose another friend. I have so few to begin with. I could live without J in my life, but I’m honestly curious about what the future holds for him.

David reconsidered. He knows how much I don’t want to lose my friend. But I had to promise that I never again do the things I have been doing. I agreed. I promised him. I looked him in the eyes, and said I would never again do those things. I am not a liar, and I fully intend to live up to that. It won’t be easy, and I know that I will miss the high I got from it. But my husband is more important to me than any addiction.

My behavior will no longer be what it has been. No more flirting, talking about sex, and absolutely no phone calls. I have to be an honest person again. I can’t do anything I wouldn’t want my mother to know about.

The line in the sand has been drawn. This is it. If I screw up again, I will lose my husband. And that would kill me. He has agreed to let me keep J as a friend, but I can never cross that line into more again. If it does, I will have to block him and let go forever. If it ever happened again, I would lose both of them.

So who am I? I don’t know. I’m still a work in progress. Maybe I needed all of this to teach me not to be so judgmental. I’m human, I screw up. And sometimes I do it spectacularly. I’m still learning who I am. But I know what I am not going to be. I am not going to be unfaithful. It’s not worth it.