Genetics

  

Genetics are a funny thing. This is my dad’s mother. I showed someone the full picture of her, and they asked me why I was wearing such weird clothes. The other picture is me at about the same age she was.

Physically, you can tell I take after my dad’s side of the family. But personality wise, I take after my mom’s side. Her dad used to raise beagles, we have three of them. Her mom loved to grow roses, I have about 40 rose bushes. I can have the PC on, listening to music and reading a book at the same time. My mom said her dad would have two radios, and the tv going at one time because of sports.

Two of my nieces have daughters that look just like them at that age. My brother looks just like my mom’s grandfather. One of my sisters has a personality just like our mom (scary thing).

I resemble my oldest sister. She’s 13 years older than I am, and sometimes people just assumed she was my mom.

Out of six kids, three of us take after our dad, and the other three resemble my mom’s side.

It’s funny to look at pictures, and notice the resemblance among family members. It’s kind of odd how one of my nephews looks like his uncle, not his dad. (No chance of hanky panky going on there) One of my nieces has the double crown in her hair like I do. Two of my siblings are left handed.

It’s kind of fascinating to notice the similarities and the differences among family members. It’s funny how some personality traits run in families. A few of the gay people I’ve talked to say they have multiple family members who are also gay.

I wonder how much of our lives are shaped by genetics, and how much is environment. I might be a completely different person if I had a different body type. Or would I be the same? Twins separated at birth with no contact have shown remarkably similar lives, so you never really know.

Being judgmental

I was at work tonight, and I got a phone call from my sister, Donna. Another one of my sisters just got admitted to the hospital. Sue has cancer in her brain, and on her lungs.

When I first learned of the cancer, the hard part of my heart thought that maybe it was karma. Sue had three kids by her first husband. Her husband was a crack head. I don’t know her side of the story, but my impression was always that she put her crack head husband before the kids. The kids were taken away from her, and they grew up in foster care. She went on to have two more kids by different men.

I try not to judge, but I’ve always judged her. I honestly can not understand how you put anything before your own children. I’ve always been jealous that she could pop out kids she didn’t want, and I could never have one.

When I got the phone call, I started crying. I have my issues with my sister, but I love her. She doesn’t have a very good chance of survival, and I’m sitting here thinking she somehow deserved it. (She has been a heavy smoker for over 30 years)

I have a hard time letting go of feelings, and just loving someone. I do believe in karma. What you put out into the universe eventually comes back to you. But does anyone deserve cancer?

My brother once asked me how I could have compassion for animals (at the time, I was very into volunteering at the local SPCA) but I couldn’t have compassion for my own sister (Sue) I said that at least the animals tried to be good parents.

It’s not up to me to judge my sister, I am far from a perfect person. I just don’t understand any of the decisions she’s made. Especially the ones she has made concerning her kids. Even more recently, her son decided he was petitioning to get custody of his younger sister because their step dad beat them. My sister knew this, and didn’t stop it. Even after my nephew was put in the hospital.

I feel like a horrible person. I love my sister, and I’m sorry she’s going through this. I need to quit being a jerk, and being judgmental. I need to just love her. Life is too short to be bitter.

Family drama

My oldest nephew messaged me on Facebook. He wants me to be at his wedding on November first. I tried saying I couldn’t afford to make the trip (I can’t), but he said he’d pay for me to be there.

I don’t want to go for many reasons. I don’t want to travel to Florida. I can’t afford it. I don’t want to make the trip alone, David couldn’t go with me because we have no one to take care of the dogs. But mainly, I don’t want to go because I don’t want to be around my sister.

When I told my sister that I was bisexual, she told me it was the devil. And that I needed to “get right”. I don’t want to deal with her. My mom doesn’t know that I am bi, and I’m afraid I would get into it with my sister, and my mom would find out.

I’m not ashamed of being what I am, but my mom is old, and she really doesn’t need to know. And I also don’t want to ruin my nephew’s day with any drama.

I feel bad. My nephew wants me there, and that makes me feel good. But I have too many issues of my own, and I can’t handle going. I should go, if for no other reason than to see my mom. But the thought of the trip stresses me out so bad, that I was just crying. And no one needs a person like that at their wedding.