How?

How do you force yourself to fall out of love with someone? I need to not be in love with J anymore. I need to focus my energy on my husband.

For a while, I had myself convinced that I wasn’t in love with him anymore. That I had let go. But one average, just as friends, phone call made me realize I was lying to myself. I’m still in love with J.

I don’t want to be in love with him. it’s inappropriate. I’m married to David, and J is with his girlfriend. He wants to marry her. I still believe it was meant to happen, but now it needs to be put in the past. But I don’t know how to.

I told him a few nights ago that I needed to take a break from talking to him. He said, No. But I wrote the post about being tired, and people draining my energy. I’m not sure, but I think he took offense to that. I haven’t spoken to him in two days. Part of me aches to talk to him again. But part of me is relieved.

My husband would be thrilled if I quit talking to him forever. I wish I could comply. But, I don’t want to lose J as a friend, he is important to me. I just need to quit being in love with him. It’s pointless, and it’s the cause of so much frustration. I’m tired of the conversations getting sexual, and the frustration of knowing that can never happen.

i also don’t want to be the cause of anything that could cause friction between him and his girlfriend. He says it wouldn’t happen, but I think he’s not realistic. I know it’s caused friction between me and my husband. I’m just lucky my husband is a strong man, and he’s letting me work through it.

Actually, I do know how to put it in the past. All I have to do is block him, and never speak to him again. But I literally can’t do that. I need him as a friend. I think he needs me. I’m trying to separate the friendship from being in love. Is it even possible? Do I have to let go of the friendship as well? Do I have to spend the rest of my life wondering how he is doing? Or can I just back off on some of the feelings?

I know I will always love him as a friend. I even told my husband that. I want to keep in touch with him. I want to know how his life progresses. I even want to go to his wedding. I just need to let go of the excess baggage of being in love with him. It is so frustrating.

Maybe this is all moot. Maybe he will decide it’s time to let go, and quit talking to me completely. I know it would hurt, and I would mourn. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, and have avoided this completely. He brought me many smiles and laughs, but more tears than anything. I’ve cheated on my husband in every way but the physical.

My husband is a good man, and a great husband. He doesn’t deserve a wife with her heart being pulled in another direction. Life used to be simple. I loved one man, and I loved him with my whole heart. But then, out of nowhere, I fell in love with someone else. Not only someone else, but someone who was born when I was college getting dumped by my first boyfriend.

I never went looking for that. I never even considered it a possibility. I’ve had male friends all my life, and it never crossed the boundaries like that. I have asked him why he had to tell me he loved me. He said because he just had to. I knew I was in love with him before he told me, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. It wasn’t appropriate. But when he did tell me, I had to tell him how I felt as well.

It’s been over a year. I’m still in love with him. I had hoped the feelings would fade. I do accept that he is with his girlfriend, and that she is his future. I am happy for him. But there is still a small part of me that yearns to be with him. It makes me wish that polyamory could be a thing. I wish I could have him in my life, even if it was only a day or two a month.

But the reality is that I am married, I love my husband, and I would be lost without him. This has gone on too long. My husband doesn’t have unlimited patience. I don’t have unlimited energy. I’m tired of feeling sad. I’m tired of feeling unworthy of my husband because my heart keeps going to someone else.

So how do I fall out of love? Short of cutting him out of my life completely, how do I do it? Or can I even try?