That empty feeling really sucks the life out of you. You’ve been consumed by something for months, and then it’s just gone, it leaves an emptiness. It’s leaves an ache.
I don’t want the pain back. I don’t want the tears back. But I miss the conversations. I miss the laughs. I miss looking forward to the messages. I even miss the flirting.
I know it’s better for everyone that it’s over. But I don’t think my heart has really gotten that memo yet. When you go from talking for hours every day to feeling like polite strangers, it hurts.
I know I can’t have it both ways. Our friendship has already changed so many times. I guess polite strangers is where we have sort of ended up. I need to let go, but some part of me doesn’t want to yet.
I’m tired of crying. I just want my life to get back to normal. One day I think I’m ok, and the next day I’m an emotional wreck. I’m not even sure why I feel like I’m mourning. I always knew there was never a future for us together. I know he’s happy. I know I love my husband more than ever. So why am I crying?
Maybe I can blame it on the Miami Heat losing the finals series. Maybe I can blame it on hormones. Maybe I can blame it on the fact that I am a mess. My emotions have been on a constant roller coaster for almost a year now. I’m not in love with him anymore, but I miss him. I miss what we had before everything changed. But everything has changed. I have changed. I need to move on.
Bellaelena 
Hmm… methinks that the question you should be asking yourself is what is it that you’re missing… and how can your husband provide that which is missing? My heart goes out to you about this because I know how it feels… and I also know what it means, too (but I won’t speak to this publicly).
By the way, you used to live in Delaware? That’s where I live!
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I live in Dover. If you’d ever like to have lunch sometime, let me know. I think you’d be interesting to talk to in person.
As for what am I missing? I miss the nightly conversations I used to have with him. We still talk most days, but it’s mainly short conversations.
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Well, damn – I live in Newark! We’ll have to do lunch sometimes! You’re missing more than just the conversations; there’s probably another thing missing I your life that he was providing you… But you weren’t otherwise getting…
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