I wish there was a way to turn off feelings. I’m so tired of feeling too much. I’m tired of loving too much. I’m tired of hurting my husband because I can’t control who I love.
I’m tired of being hurt because of the people I love. I’m tired of people telling me that I’m important to them, but their actions prove the complete opposite. I’m tired of someone wanting me to hold on to them, when they do their best to hurt me.
I’m just tired. I’m tired of being used. I’m tired of people wanting what I can no longer give.
I’ve started to withdraw from everyone. I’m trying to let go of things. I don’t have the energy to deal with people, and the emotions they bring with them.
I used to pity people who didn’t know love, but now, I envy them. Loving hurts. Wanting someone you can’t have hurts. Having those feelings hurts the one man who loves me completely. He’s the one person I never want to hurt, but I do it constantly. I hate myself for that.
I just want it to stop. But I can’t make myself let go. I think the feelings leave, but all that happens is that I bury them for a short time. They always resurface.
I suppose my solution would be to cut them out of my life. But I can’t seem to do that. I don’t know why. Part of me needs them. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Knowing what to do, and actually doing it are two very different things. One day I will let go. I just have no idea when it will happen.