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Online relationships

I spend most of my free time online, on various social media outlets. I’ve met, and talked to so many different people. Some of them last for a single conversation, some of them became friends, and have been around for years. I’ve fallen in love with a few of those people too.

I have a bad habit of getting attached to people. A few of them interest me, and I’d like to know how their lives are going, but they just fade away with time. I have loved some of them.

I’ve been a willing participant in games with some of them. I’m fine with that as long as I know it’s a game. I don’t enjoy being played with in order to satisfy their twisted pleasure.

I have written about falling in love with J. Going on four years later, I still love him. That love has changed so many times, but the love remains. He will always remain an important part of my life. I am glad that he is happy with his soulmate, but that doesn’t change my love for him.

I also fell in love with T. I haven’t had contact with her in several months, so I am trying to let go of the feelings I have. She will always remain in my heart, and I’m grateful that I met her. I’m grateful that I know that I am capable of loving a woman in a romantic sense. She’s an amazing woman, and I am blessed that I got to know her for the time that I did.

I’ve come across some people who could be classified as sociopaths. Charming on the surface, but completely rotten at the core. I’m glad my instincts told me to keep a distance, and not believe the lies.

I’ve had unexpected people reach out to me when I needed the help. Actually, one the people I would call a sociopath, helped me out of one of the darkest points of my life. Everyone has both good & bad in them.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve done more than my share of flirting online. It’s led to other (non physical) things. I have gotten a thrill from doing it. I know that I’m married, and I shouldn’t have engaged in that type of behavior, but I have done it.

I’ve have gotten unexpected gifts from people I met online. A bottle of rum at Christmas from a joke I made on Twitter, than someone should send me a bottle as a present. That surprised me. Even more surprising was when that person blocked me a few months when I came out as bisexual.

Ah, my sexuality… I didn’t know that I was bisexual until a few years ago. People online contributed to me discovering that about myself. One man helped me become more sexual. I fell for another man (J) and he helped me accept another part of sexual desires. Then came a woman who attracted me. She made me realize that I did want a woman in a sexual way. Then I fell in love with a woman. So many different steps from different people, but they were all part of my puzzle.

People come, and go online. I’ve had to learn to let go of the ones who don’t want to stay. I’ve learned to cherish the others who stick around, and make my life more interesting. I find it interesting how some people pop up unexpectedly, just to remind me of how important they were to me at one time.

I have learned to trust my instincts. When I get bad vibes from people, I let them go. I can’t explain it, but I just don’t want them in my life in way. I’m not sure why, because I don’t have a bias against trans people, but a few of them talked to me, and I got a feeling that they were false.

I think one of the most surprising things to me, is how often I’ve gotten hit on. Especially from men much younger than I am. I am 49, I’m fat and I’m married. I sort of assumed that would deter most people. Not at all. Some guys want older women. Some guys are like big women. And some guys like the challenge of a married woman and/or, they assume a married woman is an easy target. Or they think a married woman wouldn’t get clingy, and would keep her mouth shut.

Over the years, I’ve helped people. People have helped me. I’ve sent things to people without expecting things in return. I’ve had things sent to me.

I’ve met so many interesting people online. They have helped me grow as a person. They have helped me laugh, and survive some of the worst times of my life. Some people have come into my life via the internet. They have made it better, and have stuck around. Others have come into my life, shattered my preconceived notions, then vanished. I have to say, it’s been an interesting ride.

 

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