I’m bi, not queer

My name is Ellen, and I’m bisexual. I’m not gay, and I’m not queer. Lea DeLaria from Orange is the New Black thinks everyone non heterosexual should label themselves as queer. I don’t feel comfortable with that.

It took me until I was 46 to accept that I’m not straight. I actually cried when it finally hit me that I wasn’t heterosexual. That I am different. That I could be killed just for the fact that I am also attracted to women as well as men.

I am not gay, because I am attracted to men. I don’t like the term “queer”. It has a negative connotation for me. It’s just a label, but I don’t feel like it suits me.

In all reality, the term pansexual would probably suit me best. I fall for hearts, not parts. But it’s hard enough dealing with people’s reaction to bisexual. At least that they can comprehend that easier.

I’ve been told I have the devil in me. I’ve been told I’m a sinner. I’ve been told the person “doesn’t believe in that” (like I’m a figment of my own imagination)

I don’t really like labels. I have never fit well in boxes. I call myself bisexual, because I am attracted to males and females. I honestly don’t understand all the gender labels out there, so I’m not going to get nit picky about things.

I’m not heterosexual, but I’m also not queer. I’m not a label, I’m just me. Anyway, I don’t really find queer to be offensive, I just don’t think it me. I guess that technically it is, because I’m certainly not normal.



7 thoughts on “I’m bi, not queer

      • Shit, calling someone queer was a good way to start a fight and it’s still used as a polite way to call someone a faggot and most people I know think “homosexual” whenever they hear the word even if they’re not homophobic.

        I’m bisexual – not queer.


  1. Queer is one of those labels that has been given a negative connotation over time, sadly, though it was first used in a more positive way. I know people who still describe themselves as queer regardless, but I have also heard it used in a harmful way. Personally, I’m rather wary of using it, especially in reference to others unless I know that they don’t mind it.
    I get where you’re coming from, though. I only figured out that I’m asexual when I was a senior in high school, and it was honestly the scariest thing for me. Growing up with zealously religious parents, I’ve been told my whole life that I have to marry a guy and have kids because “that’s what God wants us to do”. The realization that I have no desire for that was a huge shocker for me. Of course, it was another shock when I first heard about the Orlando shooting and realized that, as a member of the LGBT+ community, I could be persecuted like that too. I find it very sad that society puts this kind of stress and pressure on us for wanting to be ourselves.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. thesumoflifeisthetotal says:

    I’ve been living as an “out” lesbian for 32 years. I used to hate the word “lesbian”, but I love it now. Sometimes the gay community has taken the very words used against them and hijacked them to call them their own. It’s not offensive for me to be called “queer” by one of my friends; it’s actually a term of endearment. It is offensive to be called “queer” by anyone else.
    Google “internalized homophobia”. What that term essentially means is that you and I grew up hearing a lot of negative things, directly and indirectly, about gay people, bisexual people, etc. And we internalized these beliefs. When we realize we might be “one of them”, we have to sort through all those old messages and realize that they were not, in fact, accurate. No one should tell you how you should see yourself, what “label” you should use. The label doesn’t define you. It’s just a construct, developed by society, it really means nothing. Your feelings mean everything. Lea Delaria started off as a comedian, a damn funny one. So, take her opinion with a grain of salt and call yourself whatever makes you feel comfortable. Hope that helps.

    Liked by 1 person

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