Being online

Being on social media is a mixed bag of things. It can make you feel connected to people halfway around the world, and isolated in your own home town. I fell in love twice online. One person was a guy 18 years younger, and she is 2 years younger. I still love both of them, but as friends.

I have come across sociopaths. They got angry when I wouldn’t fall in line with their games. They both attacked me because they couldn’t stand that I was honest. I will admit that their attacks bothered me, but I blocked them both, and went on with my life.

I have been hit on by men. Some of that attention was welcome, but most of it was not. It still annoys me that I am getting hit on by men on an LGBT app. I hate when I tell someone that I’m married, and their response it, “Well, just don’t tell him”

I have been flirted with by women too. I do like that attention. But, I’m awkward at it, so it doesn’t last long. I had a rather awkward encounter with a younger woman who flirted, then she told me to think of her as my daughter. What??

Being online made me face the fact that I am bisexual. You would think I would know my own sexuality.  But because I am bi, I managed to ignore the female attraction side. The signs were there as early as 5 years old, but I just did not understand what they meant. I thought the things I felt were experienced by all females. I was wrong.

I did fall in love with a female online. I know we can never be more than friends, but I’m glad that I know what it feels like. I’m glad that I can accept it as being natural. I don’t have to fight my own nature.

Me being online has helped some people. Talking to one person prevented her from overdosing on pills. I listened to her, and reminded her that she’s a survivor, not a victim. She later told me that I saved her life.

Being online almost tore my marriage apart. I fell in love with a man ( J) online. Because he’s less than 200 miles away, my husband still sees him as a threat. I am not in love with him anymore, but I still talk to him. I know it bothers my husband, but J is a friend, and I am curious about how his life unfolds. J’s life is moving forward, he’s engaged to his soul mate. He is in a good place. I’m happy for him. And I like knowing that I had a small part in the events that lead up to him asking her out. But for a while, J was a threat, but not anymore. My feelings have changed, he is firmly in the friend zone again.

Oddly enough, having my marriage threatened managed to strengthen it too. My husband realized that someone else wanted me. That made him realize that he was willing to fight for me, and for our marriage. Me being foolish made me realize what I stood to lose. I have a wonderful man, and I can’t live without him.  I can’t change the past, but I can make sure that doesn’t happen again.

I have made friends online. I have made enemies online. I have accepted myself by being online. I have fallen in love online. I have learned so much.

There is one thing I really cherish. And that is learning how blessed I am when it comes to love. I love several people, and I am loved back. Some people never experience any of that, but I am blessed with an abundance.

Well, I spend too much time online. I have fallen in love with friends. But I have also met, and talked to people all over the world. Technology is pretty incredible.



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