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What I can’t have

I am a seriously conflicted woman. I love my husband, but I crave romance. I don’t want it from another man, I want it with a woman. 

I want the hand holding, and the walks on the beach. I want slow dancing.  I want the sappy stuff. 

I’m not going to get it, but I wish I could. I guess like everyone else, I want what I can’t have. 

My husband is a wonderful man, but he isn’t “romantic”. Part of me still yearns for the romance novel type of story. I wish I could be content with what I have. And I do have so much. Sometimes it really is conflicting being bisexual. 

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7 thoughts on “What I can’t have

  1. I cannot relate to your actual situation. But l know what it is like to be conflicted by the what if and the actual reality of my own existence. I hope that you can find a way to communicate your request to your husband, so that he can try and find away to accommodate your needs. Good luck on your journey of discovery.

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  2. We all want things that we’re not supposed to have, let alone want in the first place. Some resign themselves to this and stop wanting things; some say, “Fuck it, I want it, so I’m gonna get it and because I’m told I’m not supposed to want it or can’t have it… and the consequences be damned.”

    Doesn’t make it the right thing to do – sounds so selfish, doesn’t it? But, given that you only get one life and it supposedly belongs to you, it’s better to try and fail than to never, ever try at all. To me, to not try is much worse than getting into trouble for doing it.

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    • I did try, and I failed. And I decided it just wasn’t worth the effort to keep trying. My husband doesn’t fulfill my every need (and he can’t) but I’m not going to throw away a diamond to chase after a pebble.

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      • Still, you never give up. In life, there are no pebbles; just diamonds that have yet to be discovered. Anything you might want in life has value and meaning; otherwise, why want it in the first place? It even has meaning even though others wouldn’t agree on that because, again, you want and need it and of its something that no one is going to give you, something they can’t even provide for you, then what do you do?

        You have two choices: Go without and be miserable for being denied or take whatever chance you can take to get it yourself. Why? Because you want it; what other reason is there?

        Handle your business as you see fit.

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      • I am. And at this moment in time, I choose to not look. If someone should appear in my life, then great. If not, my life is still pretty damn good. I am not denying myself anything except the grief of dating.

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  3. All I can say is that I do relate to your situation, though I’m not married — I have a boyfriend. Yet my bisexuality is bigger than romance, I think. It’s just part of me.

    Best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

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