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Different

I don’t do what society tells me to do. I’ve never been “normal”. I honestly have no idea how to be that. I’ve always been different.

I think that I am boring, but I’ve been told that I am far from that. I have somehow managed to have several people become obsessed with me. And I don’t know how that happened.

On my first job, I worked as a waitress. I was only there a few months when this long time cook decided he wanted to have me. I kissed him out of curiosity once. I didn’t like it because he was a chain smoker. He literally became enraged that I wouldn’t have sex with him. He did everything he could think of to get me fired. He became so irrational, that he ended up getting himself fired. Karma is a bitch.

At my second job, another cook decided he wanted to have sex with me. I had also kissed him once out of curiosity. He became persistent. I told him that I was a virgin, thinking that he would respect that, and leave me alone. It only made him worse. One night, he followed me into the stockroom, closed the door behind him, and tried to kiss me. I said no, but he groped me anyway. I told the manager what happened, and he was told to apologize. I should have informed his parole officer. But I was literally young, and stupid. He ended up getting sent back to jail for some other reason. And somehow he managed to call me from jail at work a few times. He was stalking me, and I was literally afraid that he would try to rape me when he got out. He was the main reason I decided to move from Miami.

When I came to Delaware, I was asked to write this guy in prison. I figured, why not? I liked writing letters. I visited him there a few times. After several months, he was telling me that he loved me. I never said that back, because I didn’t feel that way. About a year later, I decided to move back to Miami. I still wrote to him, but his attitude changed. I guess I wasn’t as attractive to him since I wasn’t local anymore.

In 1992, I was working at a Denny’s. I put my 2 weeks notice in, because I was going back to Miami. A new guy started working there about then. He was interested in me, but I wasn’t into him. He claimed he was former Marines, and the scars he had on his face and arms came from being in an explosion. I went to Miami, and he called me and wrote to me at my parents’ home. Something always seemed off to me. He didn’t intelligent enough to have been in the military. Anyway, I went through Hurricane Andrew, and lost my job. He convinced me to come back to Delaware, and we could get a place together just as friends. I was desperate enough to agree to that. (Plus my Denny’s manager said I could get my job back) I came back here. But the friend he was staying with called me at Denny’s. I went to see her. She said that he lied about everything. He was only in the marines for a matter of weeks before he was kicked out. The scars he had…he did that to himself. He broke up a glass phone booth, and sliced his own face and arm to sell the bombing story. I flipped out. I didn’t actually say anything to him, but he knew that I was aware of the truth. For some reason only known to him, he quit Denny’s, and went to Homestead, FL where Andrew had hit the worse. He was on the phone with his friend one night, and someone shot him execution style. Because he had my name, and parents’ address & phone number in his wallet, the police wanted to talk to me. Two detectives actually came here to speak to me, and his friend. I had nothing to tell them. As far as I know, they never caught his killer.

I had another guy obsessed with me. I met him on Twitter. I actually had lunch with him, and a female from Twitter. He also claimed to have been in the military (fat lie that was). Once again, something felt off to me. We had lunch, then went to the mall. He kind of creeped me out, because he was trying to take pictures of women’s butts there. We were going to go to a movie. About that time, my husband was getting off work. So I called him, and asked him to see the movie with us. The guy wasn’t too happy about that. He sat as far away from me as he could in the theater. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think he thought something sexual was going to happen. Me calling my husband put a damper on that. A few months later, he tried to hit on me online. I told him no several times. This guy is a sociopath who likes to target women with low self esteem. He thought I was an easy target. He learned that he was wrong. He blew up. He didn’t like being rejected. He actually went on a rampage at me on Twitter. Of course, he didn’t have the actual balls to do it to me directly, he made it so I wasn’t following him. I just blocked him, and went on with my life. He made himself look like a fool.

Oh, the female I had lunch with that day…she is also a sociopath, and his partner in crime. One day she decided to go off on me, because I mentioned that I talked to some guy she had screwed in real life. She attacked me on Twitter. She ranted about me for hours. I just blocked her, and ignored the drama.

I really have to wonder why people get so damn riled up about me. I am just me, and I’m honest. It seems that fake people have a major problem with honesty. Who knew?

Then we come to a lesbian I met on the Moovz app. I followed her by accident. Next thing I know, she’s calling me her best friend. Then a few days after that, she’s sending me a video of her kissing a picture of me on her phone, while a love song played in the background. That creeped me out, and sent up some major red flags. I didn’t even unfollow her for that. I did because she sent me 7 weird texts in a minute. I didn’t need that kind of hassle. I blocked her. But I had to do it twice on Twitter, twice on Instagram, and eventually, twice on Moovz.

Now to me being different. I have learned in the last three years, that I can love more than one person. I love my husband, he is my soulmate. I fell for a guy 18 years younger than me on Twitter. I’m no longer in love with him, but I still love him as a friend. I fell in love with a woman on Twitter. I still have feelings for her, but she’s married, and I can only love her as a friend. I have a fourth person who told me that he has feelings for me. I am flattered, but I don’t feel the same way.

I am not your typical person. I really do think that I am boring, but I suppose I don’t see what other people see. I seem to attract more people than I realize. I don’t know what I do that I bring out such strong emotions in people. I don’t set out to do that. I just do me.

I don’t go by the rules people think I should. Doing so would have meant that I would have missed out on the love of some wonderful people. I can’t be in romantic relationships with all of them, but it gives me the joy of knowing that I am well loved.

I have been on some dates with a couple of women. They didn’t work out in the long run, but they were interesting experiences. Being bisexual is yet another way that I don’t go by the rules. My husband doesn’t want to share me, but he is willing to give me some room to explore. I get judged because of that. They say that if I’m so happily married, how can I even think about dating? I didn’t come out as bi until I was 46 years old. I never got the chance to explore when I was young, and single. I did try to find a female friend with benefits, but that wasn’t meant to happen. And I think I’m good with that for now.

I don’t live my life by other peoples standards. I have my own. I make mistakes, and I’ve made plenty of those. But I live my life as honestly as I can. I don’t pretend to be anything that I am not. I don’t try to harm anyone, or to play with anyone’s feelings. I just do me. I can’t help if that invokes strong emotions in other people. I have no control over that. All I can do is be the best me that I can be. My motto is: Do no harm, but take no shit. Words I live by.

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