Do you ever wonder why you’re even here? My life seems to have no purpose. I have had a series of dead end jobs. I couldn’t have kids. I did manage to find my soul mate in this crazy world, so I do have that going for me.
I know there are at least 5 people alive because I exist. My brother wouldn’t have met his wife without me. Actually I think my influence helped create another soul too.
One of the weird things in life is how interconnected we all are. I know of two people I met on different sites online, who didn’t know each other in person, but now they do. Would they have met without me? It’s likely, because of their jobs, but they wouldn’t have had any background on the other first.
Would J have asked his girlfriend out without having his interactions with me first? That’s kind of doubtful. I think I was sent to be in his life as a way to prep him for what was coming. He needed me to love him, and to tell him that his person was out there for him.
I was just watching the show, Sense8. It’s kind of bizarre, and out there, but it makes me think. We are interconnected. I got on Facebook yesterday, and there was one of those suggested friends listed. It is someone I talk to on Moovz. I’m sure she has her number listed, and that’s how she showed up. But I don’t have mind listed, so…
I used to keep my Twitter presence, and Facebook separate. But then I added one or two people from Twitter on Facebook, and now Twitter people know my last name. You don’t stay anonymous.
Sometimes technology freaks me out. I talk to people all over the world. I have no idea how I effect other people. Did I make someone smile when they really needed it? Did I tick someone off, and they took it out on someone else? Did I help someone who really needed it?
I know people online have had a major influence on my life. It took a man online to make me face the fact that I’m bisexual. Without his influence, I wouldn’t have started talking to her.
I fell for both of them. Yes, my crazy self was simultaneously in love with three people. Sounds impossible, but it was very possible. Those feelings have evolved, but it did happen.
The first time I went to MetLife Stadium to see the Miami Dolphins play there, one guy walked up to me and introduced himself. He said he saw me tweeting about the game, and that’s why he decided to go. He wanted to make sure he said thank you.
In high school, something similar happened. In gym class, I kept talking about going to Paris with my French class. The girl I was talking to decided to go too. Her life was probably changed by that trip too.
I think I don’t matter. But I guess I do. I’ve had more than one person tell me that talking to me was like therapy. I know I’ve caused more than a few orgasms for some people. That’s probably nothing to brag about, but that happened too.
I’ve had people tell me that I helped them with their self acceptance. Out of all the things that could be said to me, I’m proud of that one. It took me a long time to accept myself. I’m happy that I could be a positive influence on someone.
I don’t want to be told that I’m beautiful, or sexy. I want to be told that I mattered to someone. I want to be told that the world is a better place because I exist.
My life has touched so many others. I hope it’s been mostly positive, but I know that isn’t always true. I just hope that I’ve done more good than harm. I wonder what my being here even means. Would the world be different if I had never been born?
Does it really matter? I’m tired, and need to sleep. I hope I have done some good in this world. I hope I have made someone feel better about themselves. Maybe one of the kids that are here because of something I’ve done will cure cancer. I have no idea. I’m just going to keep doing me. (And I hope my ramblings didn’t bore you to tears)