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Naked emotions

I am fat. I do not call myself plus sized, queen sized or fluffy. I am what I am. I actually had one person get upset because I referred to myself as fat. It’s a descriptive word, it does not hold any negative power over me.

When someone throws the word at me like it’s an insult, I literally laugh. Do you think I don’t own a mirror, and I’m not aware of the fact? It really makes you look stupid. Yell “green eyes” at me, you’d still be stating something obvious.

I am 48 years old. I’m fat, have wrinkles and gray hair. I am also beautiful, because my personality allows me to be. I’m not superficial. I am also sexy. I have males and females hitting on me. And I’m not talking about people with a fat fetish either.

I was just reading this blog about body shaming. https://wordpress.com/read/post/feed/14175/860356135. People try to make us feel ashamed because we are larger. They try to belittle us. But, I am not my body. And society can not make me feel bad about the person that I am.

I refuse to allow people to make me feel like I’m less of a person, just because I am a larger person. I know that I am viewed negatively. But that is their negativity, it is not mine. Yes, there are things I can’t do comfortably because of my size. There are not many options fashion wise for women my size. But I still have a good life.

I have a wonderful husband, and we still have a pretty good sex life. But my being 48, and him almost 58, has slowed us down. I have my moments of doubt. Sometimes I don’t want to leave the lights on while we’re having sex, but if he wants to see my fat ass, he’s welcomed to it.

I am not my body, but my body is part of me. My size has helped make me the person I am. Having big breasts at 10 years old helped make me who I am.

I feel sorry for people who are so insecure, that they have to mock someone else to feel better about themselves. We’ve all done it at some point. If you ever really pay attention, bullies have the lowest self esteem of all. Picking on someone else is the only way they can feel positive about themselves.

The only people I’ve been naked in front of for 23 years is my husband, and my doctor. I honestly doubt I’d ever have the courage (or the opportunity) to get naked in front of a female. The doesn’t mean I have no self esteem, it just means that maybe I’m not ready for someone else to see me naked and vulnerable.

I’m fat. It’s not up to you to decide how I am going to feel about it. I know I need to be healthier, but I also know that’s not likely to happen. And no, you don’t get to give me you opinion about it either. I’m sure I get judged. I’m sure I get mocked. But while you’re doing that, I am living my life. I have an amazing husband who loves all of me, body and soul. So when you think mocking a big person is fun, take a look at yourself in the mirror, and see if there is anything at all about yourself you actually like first.

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