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Shut up, brain

It’s almost 3:30am here. I’m sitting in the dark, going through apps on my iPod. I tried to sleep, but couldn’t. My mind won’t shut up. 

I went to Misty’s house for the first time yesterday. I ended up helping her paint. That’s why she asked me over. 

She’s part of the reason I can’t sleep. I guess we’re friends, but can you be just friends with someone that you’ve had a sexual experience with? 

I would like something else to happen, but it seems unlikely. But I have learned that even unlikely things can occur. I never would have imagined doing what I’ve already done with her. 

In two years time, my life has been turned upside down.  I came out as bisexual. I fell in and out of love with two people. I’ve been on dates with a woman.  And I got to play with her, and make her orgasm. 

Those were all some pretty intense events in my life. Life is so strange. Like being completely wrapped up in someone, to letting go. Two years of being in love with someone, to just not not feeling that way at all anymore.  

I’m not in love with Misty. I had a sexual experience with her, but I’ve never needed to feel like I was “in love” to connect with someone physically.  

To me, love and sex are two different things. You can have one without the other. Although, having sex with the person you love is so much better.  

I wish my brain would just shut down, and let me sleep.  I don’t want to be thinking about things like love and dating. 

And really…I’m 48 years old, I’ve been married almost 22 years.  Why am I dating a lesbian?  Ugh. 

Life is an adventure.  You never know what can happen.  

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