If it should have…

The other day, I was thinking what could have been if I had met her when I was younger. It wasn’t meant to happen for a reason. If I had met her and connected, I never would have met my husband. And he is the other half of my soul.

I wasn’t ready back then to even accept that I’m bisexual. I wouldn’t have been in the proper state of mind to even have a relationship with a woman, much less a successful one.

Honestly, I’m not sure why fate put her in my life at this stage. She has her soul mate, and I have mine. But maybe I just needed her friendship, and she needed mine. I’m good with that.

My emotions got a little carried away for a short time, but I have accepted things as they are. I’m glad I got to meet her at all. Sometimes people enter our lives to teach us something. She taught me quite a bit. And one of those things was that I can love a woman, and it feels natural. I don’t feel conflicted about it.

I’m not in love with her. I was for a while, but I had to let that go. But just knowing I can love a woman makes an incredible difference in my life. Loving someone sounds so simple, but it isn’t simple when you fight the feelings.

So, I need to let go of the “what if” thoughts in my head. It’s still an incredible coincidence how close we were to each other, and we didn’t meet. That should tell me something right there. Things happen for a reason, and we meet when we’re open to learning from that person.

I do wish I could have met her then, but neither of us was ready then. My husband lived 150 miles away from me in Key West, and I didn’t meet him back then either. I wasn’t ready yet.

So, it’s time to quit wondering about the might have beens. Although I do wish I had been able to explore when I was younger, I really wasn’t ready for it then. It took me 46 years to accept it for a reason. So, it’s another thing I need to let go of.


2 thoughts on “If it should have…

  1. Yep, playing the “What If” game with yourself can make you nuts; at every turn, you realize that you cannot change what has already happened… or didn’t happen but it comes down to something I’ve always found interesting: If you didn’t do something before, could it be done now or maybe at some point in the future? A lot of this depends on a great many things, of course, but while it’s sometimes nice to look back at what could have been, it’s a more positive state of mind to look forward to what might be. It’s a different kind of “What If;” sure, it can be wishful thinking and ya might be reaching for something that could be out of your reach… but that’s way better than finding yourself sitting and thinking about what you didn’t do and then feeling some kind of way because you had a chance to do a thing and you didn’t do it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would rather regret going for something, and failing, then never taking the chance at all.

      Take J for example. I always knew it wasn’t going to end well, but I let things unfold. I needed him in my life at that time, and he needed me. Although, in reality, it did end well. He was in the right state of mind to connect with his soul mate, and my marriage became stronger because of learning to appreciate my husband more.

      I have finally let go of the feelings I didn’t need to be having, and life goes on.


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