Two years ago, I fell in love with someone other than my husband. I have since lost those feelings, but I will always have to live with the fact that my husband was hurt in the process. I never went looking for anything, it just happened in the process of spending so much time talking to a friend. But that doesn’t change the results.
Two years later, I’m no longer in love with that person. You can only get hurt so many times before you give up, and accept that the person isn’t who you hoped they were.
There are times I wish it had never happened, but there are times when I’m glad that it did. Without him, I never would have accepted myself for what I truly am. I never would have had the opportunity to love a woman. Without him, I never would have truly appreciated my husband for the good man that he is.
Love is complicated. I love my husband more than anything, and I’ve been in love with him for 22 years. I love my friend, but only as a friend now. I accept him for who he is finally, and not the fantasy I wanted him to be. I love my female friend too. But I accept that friends is the only thing we can ever be.
I needed what happened. I needed to love the people I love. It doesn’t make me flaky, or a bad person. I am capable of having a tremendous amount of love. And I’m glad I have a heart filled with love, instead of a heart filled with hate. I am blessed.
But there comes a time when you have to let go, and I finally have. It took two years, almost to the day, to not be in love anymore. It makes me sad. I had so much energy invested in those emotions. But it’s a huge relief to my husband that he has my undivided attention again. He knows he’s the only one I’m in love with. And that makes him happy.
Love is blind, and love is foolish. But it is also wonderful, and amazing. I fell in love with a second man. It was meant to happen. Even though we were never meant to be a couple, I learned so much from it. He taught me things I needed to know. He changed my life. I will always love him, and be grateful for him. But I am glad I have finally accepted that he can only be a friend.