I don’t want to fall in love again. I fell in love in 1993, and I still love my husband. I fell in love twice after that, and I no longer feel that way now. It was exciting for a while, but enough was enough.
I do believe I needed it both those other times, but I needed to let go as well. It had to stop. I learned some lessons I needed. And one of those lessons was about letting go.
You can fall in love with a friend, and you can go back to being friends. But there will always be just a little something extra there. A wistfulness about what might have been. And just a little bit of sadness.
The first time it happened, it was a shock to me. I didn’t think it could happen again, but it did. I’ve had to harden my heart since then. I can’t let it occur again. My heart can’t handle it, and my husband doesn’t need that kind of distress.
It kind of seems odd that I’ve been on some dates with a woman, and I feel that way. I don’t want a girlfriend, but I’d like a friend with benefits.
I can’t offer my heart to anyone else, it’s been bruised enough. My heart is for my husband. He deserves to be my one and only.
My husband is agreeable to me exploring sexually with another woman. But he has a fear that I’ll fall in love, and want to leave him. That’s not going to happen. I don’t want to ever leave him, and I don’t want to live without him.
You can love more than one person at a time, but you can’t love them equally. It just isn’t possible. Some people make polyamory work. I could make a marriage and a female fuck buddy work, but I can’t do a husband and a girlfriend. I don’t want to be in love with another person. I can’t do that again.
I can’t leave my heart open like that again. I have to keep my distance. And that makes me feel sad in a way. There is something exciting about being in love. But it’s also very painful as well. It hurts to yearn for someone you can never have. But enough already. Go away Cupid, and stay the hell away from me.