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I don’t want to fall in love

I don’t want to fall in love again. I fell in love in 1993, and I still love my husband. I fell in love twice after that, and I no longer feel that way now. It was exciting for a while, but enough was enough.

I do believe I needed it both those other times, but I needed to let go as well. It had to stop. I learned some lessons I needed. And one of those lessons was about letting go.

You can fall in love with a friend, and you can go back to being friends. But there will always be just a little something extra there. A wistfulness about what might have been. And just a little bit of sadness.

The first time it happened, it was a shock to me. I didn’t think it could happen again, but it did. I’ve had to harden my heart since then. I can’t let it occur again. My heart can’t handle it, and my husband doesn’t need that kind of distress.

It kind of seems odd that I’ve been on some dates with a woman, and I feel that way. I don’t want a girlfriend, but I’d like a friend with benefits.

I can’t offer my heart to anyone else, it’s been bruised enough. My heart is for my husband. He deserves to be my one and only.

My husband is agreeable to me exploring sexually with another woman. But he has a fear that I’ll fall in love, and want to leave him. That’s not going to happen. I don’t want to ever leave him, and I don’t want to live without him.

You can love more than one person at a time, but you can’t love them equally. It just isn’t possible. Some people make polyamory work. I could make a marriage and a female fuck buddy work, but I can’t do a husband and a girlfriend. I don’t want to be in love with another person. I can’t do that again.

I can’t leave my heart open like that again. I have to keep my distance. And that makes me feel sad in a way. There is something exciting about being in love. But it’s also very painful as well. It hurts to yearn for someone you can never have. But enough already. Go away Cupid, and stay the hell away from me.

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8 thoughts on “I don’t want to fall in love

  1. The bad news is that love doesn’t care what you don’t want to do (as you’ve already learned). The biggest mistake people make when they’re already in love and fall in love with someone else? Trying to do something about it even though they may not be able to. Just like with sexuality, the simplest and easiest thing to do is just accept that it’s how you feel. Is it important that the other person knows that you love them? Eh, it depends; sometimes, it just might be best if they didn’t know how you felt about them so this is a situational thing.

    Just feel the love inside of you and bask in its warmth while keeping in mind that there are many people out there who NEVER find out what love is…

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      • All of us are and the easy answer is for us to say that we will never fall in love again, to go run and hide and hope that love never finds us… but it always does… when we don’t expect it or when we think that one love is all we will ever need.

        You can run but you can’t hide and the pain of heartbreak, well, it’s part and parcel of being in love, an accepted fact that if you dare to love, one day, your heart will be broken, trashed, puréed, and other painful things. We learn – or we should learn – that we can’t just take the good of love without also accepting the bad of it.

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  2. So you got hurt once after once and be afraid of that cycle? But I will encourage you to love again, at least once. If you refuse to give yourself the chance and blocked in the box, how can guys/gals touch your heart? Ye, you may get hurt again, but every hurt can be cured when you find your true cupid. When you are young and have the ability of love, just go to love..

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