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Uncharted territory

Three weeks ago, I went out on a date with a woman. I didn’t think it was a date, I thought we were just hanging out. That hanging out ended up with us at a beach, in a parking lot. We talked for two hours, and we talked about sex and relationships. We both got turned on.

Next thing I knew, she raised her shirt up, unhooked her bra, and told me to have fun. I was paralyzed with indecision at first. But the desire to touch her breasts overwhelmed any fear I might have had. I had wanted to do that since I was ten years old. I was so hesitant at first. But I liked touching them. I liked playing with her nipples, and feeling them harden to my touch. I liked sucking on them. No, I loved sucking on one, and playing with the other.

I would have been happy with that alone. But then, she pulled off her shorts. When I touched her, she was so wet. It gave me a thrill to know that she was so aroused. I liked hearing her breathing change when I touched her. I liked making her cum. I was pretty surprised when she squirted, but I was happy that I made her do it.

I did not go with her to the beach with the intention of doing anything. Yes, in the back of my mind, I sort of hoped something would happen. I was just thinking something along the lines of maybe a kiss. I was not expecting sexual interaction. It was strange, but it was wonderful too.

Up until two years ago, I assumed that I was straight. I would say that looking at pictures of women turned me on, but it made me want a man. Nope. I want a woman. I am bisexual.

It is almost a relief to say that, and not have doubts about it anymore. I’ve been feeling conflicted about being bi. I didn’t want to cheat on my husband, but I wanted to be able to experience being with a woman. He agreed to let me explore. It isn’t cheating if I have his permission.

I’m glad we discussed it before anything ever had a chance of happening. I love my husband, but he isn’t a woman. He gives me all that he can, but some things he can’t give me. I’m grateful he allowed me to be me. I’m glad I got the opportunity that I did.

Maybe I’m selfish for wanting it. Maybe I’m selfish for indulging. But I had to do it. The urge was too strong not to.

People say that bisexuals are greedy. I’m not greedy, I am just programmed by nature to desire both men, and women. I’m not a hook up type of person. I don’t screw around on my husband. She was the first person, besides my husband, that I’ve touched in almost 23 years.

I do not know what will happen. I don’t know if I’ll even see her again. I hope so. I hope she’s willing to teach me more. I hope she’s willing to allow more.

We’ve been out three times. I guess they could be called dates. I have no idea. This foreign territory for me. I don’t know the rules. I don’t know the protocol. Am I dating a woman? Is she my girlfriend after three dates?

We went out for lunch on Sunday. We haven’t texted since then. I don’t know if I want to pursue her, but at the same time, I really want something else to happen. I want to make out with her. I want to be able to touch her again. I want to please her again. I want to kiss her.

I will pursue her, because I want her again. I don’t want a romantic relationship, I have that with my husband. But I want sex. I don’t know if I will get it, but I won’t if I don’t try.

I had someone tell me that they can’t have sex without an emotional connection/love. I can. Sex and love are two different things to me. Sex is obviously better when you love the person, but it isn’t a prerequisite for me.

Life is strange. If you told me two years ago that I’d even be talking about this, I would have laughed. But life is a journey. There are many roads I’ve been down, and many more to go. It’s an adventure.

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