I have a date tomorrow. I never would have imagined that I’d be married to a man (almost 22 years), and going out on a date with a female. But, I am.
I’m meeting Misty for lunch tomorrow before she goes to work. There is no chance of any “fun” stuff happening, but I just want to spend some time with her.
I’m still kind of baffled. In the past two years, my life has been a roller coaster. So many ups, and downs. Some of it has been fun, and other parts of it are terrifying.
This is kind of one of the terrifying parts. I haven’t dated in 22 years. I’ve never dated a woman before. I have no idea how things work. I am literally groping in the dark, just trying to connect with something solid to hold on to.
It seems as a woman, I would know what a woman wants, but I don’t know. It does not help that I’m shy, introverted, and have a mild case of social anxiety. Why am I putting myself through this?
Why do I even ask that? I want to do it because I like her. And I’m also hoping she’ll agree to teach me more things. I had fun the last time So, of course, I want to do it again.
My husband is ok with me going with her. I’m surprised at that, but I’m grateful for it. He doesn’t want to share me, but he understands that as a bisexual, I want things that he just can’t give me.
I suppose some people would consider me selfish. I did take the vow of “forsaking all others”. If I had known I was bisexual when I dated him, I would have chosen to say those vows, and mean it. I did mean them. But it took me 46 years to acknowledge that I’m bisexual. Part of me needs to explore.
Misty seems to be a good choice. She isn’t interested in a long term relationship with me. I’m just filling time until someone better comes along. And believe it or not, that works for me. I don’t want to get emotionally invested. I’ve never had a problem separating sex, and love.
I know this sounds strange coming from a woman who fell in love twice, with people online. People I’ve never even met in person. It seems that it’s easier for me to fall for words, and the part of their soul they chose to show me. In person, I see the flaws more easily.
But, I have a date. It seems bizarre, but it feels right too. If this is a friends with benefits deal, I’ll be happy with that. If it’s just a friends only deal, that works too. I can always stand to learn more.
I am married to my soul mate, but having a playmate isn’t such a bad deal either. I’m getting older, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have more adventures along the way.