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Acceptance

It took a man to make me accept that I am attracted to women/bisexual. I know that sounds bizarre, and it is. For years I would say that I liked looking at women, and the pictures turned me on. But I would also say that it made me want to have sex with a man.

Well, then, life had a surprise for me. I fell in love online, with a guy 18 years younger than me. That was enough of a shock, but what followed was even more surprising. After our friendship evolved into love, the flirting started. (disclaimer, I was already married and loved my husband)

Anyway, he talked about the things he wanted to do. Frankly, he made me want to receive oral sex. I’ve always had a block about wanting to try that. I have no problem giving it, I actually enjoy it. But, for the first time in my life, I wanted to be on the receiving end.

Once that barrier was crossed in my mind, my thought process began to shift. A few months after that, I met a woman online. I became attracted to her. It was more of an attraction to her personality, and not a sexual thing.

The attraction puzzled me. I had some in depth discussions with my friend. My best friend happens to be a bisexual male. He answered my questions for me. But he had to actually say to me, that what I felt meant that I was bisexual.

My female friend was the final piece of the puzzle. She made me understand what the picture meant. But he was the catalyst. He set the final events I needed into motion.

I came out as bisexual a few months later. I got support from unlikely sources. I got told some horrible things from other people. I had people leave my life because of it.

I have cried. I have screamed. I have asked why a hundred times. But today, I was driving home in some heavy traffic, and it just kind of hit me. I am bisexual. I can’t change it. I need to learn to embrace it. I have the capability to love a person no matter what body parts they possess. I know I am capable of it, because I love two men, and one women.

I can fight nature, but I won’t win. I am bisexual. I love male and female. It doesn’t matter if those people are physically in my life or not, I still love them. That is how I am made. I now accept that I am blessed. I have love that is not defined by society. It is not restricted by narrow minded people. I can have love/attraction for males, and females and I do.

I have decided that I am blessed. Loving them is a blessing. Sex,race, age do not matter. I love a person for who they are. I will focus on the blessings I have, instead of the parts I can’t have. I know that there will be times when I get frustrated again, but I will deal with it. Some people never find love, I have more than I ever could have imagined. I will find peace with who I am as a person. I will accept the person I am.

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