Reading through my old blog posts before going to work is not a good idea. They make me cry. They make me remember the anger, frustration and emptiness I felt.
My past will never go away, the feelings won’t disappear. I can only hope the sting of them lessens with time. I won’t unlove the people I love, but maybe it won’t hurt as much in the future.
I am blessed, and yet cursed at the same time. All because I love more than one person. I can only be with my husband. And he is an incredible blessing to me. But there are parts of my heart that love two other people as well. And those parts ache.
That ache is a phantom pain. It makes me think of people who lost limbs, but still feel the pain. I don’t have physical proof of pain, but it’s in my heart.
I don’t know why I fell for them. It wasn’t a conscious thing. It wasn’t anything I wanted. But I clicked with three very different people. It’s hard to understand, but it’s real.
I love too much. I love my husband, and have for 22 years. I love another man. And I love a woman. I’m not a flaky person. I don’t love lightly. When I love, I love forever. It doesn’t matter that I can’t be with either of the other two. I still love them.
I am way too emotional right now. I have to get myself together, and get to work. I honestly don’t know why this happened to me. I do know how it happened. I fell for their soul. Maybe I’m an idiot, and fell for the image they presented, but I don’t think so. I’m not going to focus on the negative aspects of it. It is an incredible thing to know you’re loved. I do know that.