Not the same soul

I have changed so much in the last three years. And I can’t really say that the changes have been improvements. I became someone who hid things. I became someone who felt emotions I shouldn’t have been feeling. I became untrustworthy.

I became selfish. I went after what I wanted. I didn’t fully consider the consequences. I caused pain.

I had to change. I needed to face my reality. Some of the changes were positive. I hid from myself for 46 years. I finally admitted to myself who, and what I am.

I had to change. Oddly enough, at least a few people needed me to be who I am now. I liked the old me better though.

I am not the same person I was three years ago. My horizons have broadened. I learned things about myself that I didn’t know. I learned I can love more than I ever imagined.

Don’t expect me to be that person that I was. I can never be that person again. The lessons I have learned have left scars. I wish I could go back in time, but that isn’t possible. The woman before you is marked by experiences.

I have learned one thing. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. My heart has been bruised, and hurt, but it’s still beating. My outward appearance hasn’t changed much, but I am not who I used to be. Maybe it’s good, and maybe it isn’t. There is nothing I can do about it now.


One thought on “Not the same soul

  1. I liked the “old me” better, too… but that person doesn’t exist anymore; everything we experience changes us so the things I experienced yesterday makes me a different person today – if I wanna bother with looking at those differences and these days, I have better things to do… but I am aware of the differences.

    I learned, many years ago, that being static as a person – never changing anything about myself – doesn’t work, that working hard to maintain the status quo takes away opportunities to better myself as a person and, importantly, my ability to grow as a person; I saw, painfully, that if I didn’t grow, I couldn’t be the husband and father I needed to be and that meant that I wasn’t being the person I had to be.

    Not all changes are easy to digest; not all changes are seen as being good; but, again, at some point, you learn to deal with all changes and not just the good ones – you learn to cope with them and not let them make you insane or having you fervently wishing that you could go back to being the person you used to be which, interestly enough, was the static person that needed to change because in life, they were being left far behind because they couldn’t or didn’t change or adapt to things.

    There is something you can do about it – work on being happy with who you are now and keep evolving and growing as a person so you don’t wind up being static again and resisting change. No one said that life was easy even though a lot of us work on making it as easy and as uncomplicated as we can – and some of us can’t pull that off and get all caught up in the dynamics of change… but we change because we have to and not always because we want to.

    Just be happy with yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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