Why does sex cause so much trouble? You have the obvious things like pregnancies and STDs, but it goes beyond that. It causes heartache, and pain. It also causes orgasms that make you forget about all the other things.
We live in a society that tells us you should be heterosexual. That you are only allowed to have one person at a time. And of course, that person has to be the opposite gender.
Well, life isn’t simple. There are more than two genders. There is more than one type of sexuality (I’m not even going to try to list those) Some people feel no attraction at all, and others love more than one person.
I’ll be honest, I wish it was possible to have relationships with more than one person at a time. But for me, it isn’t possible. When I got married, I believed I was straight, and was happy to be monogamous. I liked the feeling of being loved by one man, and feeling safe. I liked not worrying about having to have “safe sex”.
But 22 years into our relationship, things have changed. I am not the woman I was at 26. I know, and accept that I am bisexual now. I want to explore that part of me. I was even given sort of permission to by my husband. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t want to add any more drama to our marriage.
Two years ago, I fell in love with a male friend. I honestly didn’t know that was possible. Especially since I never stopped loving/wanting my husband. But it is possible to love more than one person. And when you do, you want to be with them in some form or another. I accept that I can’t be with him. I accept that he has his own soul mate. if I lived in a fantasy world, I would wish that I could just have some time with him every few months or so. It ain’t gonna happen.
But, back to sex. Do we ever get enough of it? Is one person going to satisfy us for the rest of our lives? For me, I explored in non physical ways. I learned to get off from conversations. Yes, I do think it’s cheating. But, on the scale of horribleness, it was less awful than screwing around. At least I wasn’t exposing myself and my husband to STDs.
Sex causes so many problems. People get addicted to it. People cheat. They pay for sex. They get married for sex (Like Jeff Foxworthy said, it’s like buying an airline to get peanuts) Sex breaks up marriages.
Why do we have so many rules about sex? Why does it have to be one partner only? Some people have polyamorous/open relationships, and they work. But most people can’t handle that. Some people have a spouse, and a side piece, or pieces. And the spouse is ok with that.
I’m rambling here. I don’t have any answers. I know sexual activity caused me problems. I didn’t touch another person, but that ultimately didn’t matter. It is cheating. I used someone other than my husband to get off. I’m am not going to try to justify what I did. I did it because I wanted to.
I can no longer do it because it is so wrong. It’s ok if I watch porn, but I can’t be talking to someone else while I’m getting off. It makes sense, but it doesn’t make sense at the same time. I can look at strangers having sex, but I can’t be talking to a human. The reason is, because feelings are involved with the human. There is an emotional response. And that is the cause of the problems.
I am a sexual person. But I have rules I have to live by. Do those rules chafe? Of course they do. But I love my husband more than anything, and I have to be willing to live the life I agreed to. I have changed as a person in 22 years. My needs have changed. But we are both trying to adapt.
Sex is fun, and sex is a pain the ass (literally if you want it to be) I’ve been lucky. I never caught anything while having unprotected sex while I was single. No unintentional pregnancies (well, none at all) At 47, I still enjoy sex. I don’t get it as often as I would like, but I still get it. I can no longer participate in extracirricular activies, but I can deal with that.
I am limited to sex with one partner. Do I sometimes I wish it was more? Yes. WIll that happen? No. I made a vow that I intend to keep. I bent the rules almost to the breaking point, but I won’t do that again. I can’t. No amount of sex is worth losing my husband. Adapt and move on. I made my choices in life, and I have to abide by them. I will crave more, and that is allowed. I am not allowed to indulge in them. So, married sex it is. But you know what? That can awesome too.