Yesterday, the shit hit the fan with my husband. I came close to blowing a 22 year marriage. I was at one of the lowest points I have ever been in my life.
I said I wanted to be dead. That I didn’t want to exist. I said I wished nature had taken me out like it tried to in 1997 (I came very close to dying then)
I had to go to work. I thought about calling out, but I didn’t want to stay home thinking about things. I was at a traffic light, it turned green for me. Something told me to wait. Good thing I did, or I would have gotten my wish. This asshole blew through his red light while speeding. If I had started to turn, he would have killed me.
I’m still here. God isn’t ready for me yet. I get another chance to be with my soul mate. I get another chance to be me. But I need to be a better me.
I have no clue why I was born, or why I’m even still here. But I am. I will never achieve greatness in anything. I will never own the trappings of “success”. All I will ever do is be me. Maybe I am here for reasons that aren’t tangible. Maybe I am here for the sole purpose of being a friend to someone who needs me. I have no clue.
Be careful what you wish for. I almost got it yesterday. I could have died. But I’m still here. Life goes on.