So worried

I woke up in an OK mood yesterday. It was just a normal day. Then I heard the song, All Of Me, by John Legend. It made me think of T. And for some reason, I got extremely emotional.

Before that, I was talking to J in DMs, and watching clips of game show bloopers. I was happy, and in a good mood. Then that one song just changed my entire attitude.

I’m worried about her. I haven’t heard from her in weeks. It may be months before I hear from her again. I’m scared for her. I don’t claim to be psychic, but I’ve had bad feelings about things, and later found out that something did happen.

And the most horrible thing is, if something did occur, I wouldn’t know unless it was reported in the news. It’s not like her wife would contact me to let me know.

Some people think that it’s not possible to form a bond with someone you’ve never met in person. I know for a fact that is not true. T is someone I clicked with. I do love her. I will most likely never meet her in person, and that’s ok. As long as she is safe, and happy, I’m good with that.

But right now, I don’t know how she is. She’s in a very dangerous situation (Nepal after two major earthquakes) I am worried.

I know that it does no good to worry. All that I can do is pray. And I’ve been doing that. But I just want to know that she’s ok. Something, anything.

It’s 4:30AM here. I’m sitting in the basement, listening to the dryer going, typing on the laptop, and crying. I’m in love with a beautiful woman, and I can’t tell her that.

If you know anything about me, I’ve been married to my husband for going on 22 years. I love him dearly. He is my soul mate. I also managed to fall in love with a guy online. He’s 29. I’m almost 48.

And I love T as well. I’m not a flake. I’m not attention seeking. I just happened to connect on some deeper level with three other people. I love two men, and a woman.

In some ways, it’s amazing. Some people never find love. I managed to love three people. In other ways, it’s heartbreaking to love a person you have no chance of being with. But overall, it is incredible to be able to feel that love.

Anyway, back to T. I’m worried. I don’t know how she is, and I have no way of finding out. Honestly, I have no idea how her wife deals with her being gone. She’s a stronger woman than I am.

It’s early in the morning. I’m crying about someone I will never get to know in person. Does that make me a fool? I don’t know. All I know is that she is important to me. I just want her safe. I care about her.

Yesterday, I was wondering why I had to meet her. With J, I know why we met. We needed each other (for completely different reasons, but we needed to meet and connect). With T, we connected, I think it was beneficial to her, but I know that she changed my life in some ways. She taught me that I could love a woman, and it feels natural. The only conflict is from the fact that we are both already with our soul mates.

I’m exhausted, and I have to work in the morning. I don’t know why I’m so concerned about her. I worry every day about her, but I just lost it yesterday. Maybe that song just triggered feelings I was already having.

I honestly don’t know where I’m going with the post. I don’t have a conclusion. Yesterday, I was happy, then one song changed that. I became overly emotional, and worried. I cried.

I had other things going on as well, but T was the focus of most of my emotions. I don’t know why. I hope she’s fine, and I’m just an emotional basket case.

true. it is


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