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Crushing on a friend

I wish I could call her mine. I wish I could show people her pictures, and claim her. I wish she could be my first. But I’d have better luck winning the lottery that I don’t play.

I’m not obsessed. I know she is only a friend, and that is all she can ever be. But sometimes my mind wanders. I indulge myself in fantasies. I remember the stories she’s told me, and I wish I was on the receiving end.

I am crushing on a friend. I admit that. This isn’t anything like me falling in love with another friend. I never saw that coming at all. I didn’t know it had even happened until I got punched in the gut with reality.

I’m not quite sure what this is. It is a crush. If I could show you her pictures, you would see why. She’s beautiful to me. And she has the most amazing smile. I hope that I might be able to see it in person one day. I doubt that will ever happen, but stranger things have happened.

Recently, my husband said I could have a girlfriend. I realized that I don’t want just anyone. I want her. I’d rather do without than settle. I will likely remain a virgin when it comes to a same sex relationship. And that’s ok with me.

Although I do want to be able to experience it, it isn’t necessary. I’m good with the way things are. She’s always in the back of my mind. And sometimes I let my mind wander.

I probably shouldn’t write about such things. She’s married, and I’m married. And yeah, technically, I know I’m sinning by thinking those thoughts about someone else. No one is going to act on them. And a healthy imagination is a good thing.

I’m in a weird mood tonight. I just feel like writing. And she’s been on my mind so much lately, so she was bound to be the topic of yet another post. I think my friend is hot. I have a crush on her. Nothing to see here….move along.

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