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I want to be a kid again

I want to be a kid again. I want to play in the rain, and splash in the puddles. I want to use dish liquid bottles filled with water to write on the sidewalk, and watch the words disappear. I want to climb up my mango tree, and read a book. I want to sleep in my tree house again.

I want to ride the church bus again, and have my dad speed up and hit the speed bump so we all bounced in our seats. I want to go to Vacation Bible School, and have fun. I want to go to church dinners.

I want to go fishing with my dad. I want to go shrimping on a cold winter’s night. I want to go to the beach. I want to go to Disney World again as a kid.

I want to not know what racism is. I want to feel safe. I want a simple life again. I want to not know that I’m not normal. I want to feel like I have my entire future ahead of me. I want to have faith that any decent person could be President of the United States. I want to not have my faith destroyed by reality.

I want to be young again. I want to have the joy of getting a brand new bicycle for my birthday, and not know the crushing feeling of having it stolen at school a few month later.

I want to be a kid again, but I can’t. I know the world is a harsh place. I know that I don’t fit in. I know that I am not “normal”. I know that I’m different from everyone else. I have a good life, I have a home, a job, and a vehicle. And I know that I am loved. But life isn’t easy. I learned that love can hurt.

I wish there was a way to return to that simpler time in my life. Even if it was just for a short time. Would I see things differently? Would I change anything?

I have good memories of being a kid. I had a stable home. I had a mom and a dad. I had older brothers and sisters who did nice things for me. I had a good childhood. But I had to grow up, and move on. I have a good life now. It will never be simple again, and that’s a shame. I miss that.

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