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My thoughts on marriage

I have been with my husband for 22 years, three months, and four days. We’re still learning about each other. We still rely on the other one for strength. We still depend on each other.

We have both made many mistakes. He has hurt me with his thoughtlessness, and I have hurt him with my out of control (now under control) emotions. We adjust, and try to change behavior. We accept that the other isn’t perfect, and we try to let go and move on. We forgive. I can’t stress how important that is.

We all hold grudges, and it’s the biggest waste of time and emotion. You can’t change the past. And nothing is going to make up for those things that bug you. Let them go. They aren’t that big of a deal in the long run.

Part of being a couple is doing things you really don’t want to do. I had to go to a courthouse with him today. It was a federal building. I have social anxiety, I don’t like feeling closed in. I especially don’t want to be in a building that could be targeted by terrorists. (I know that one wasn’t a likely choice, but when do unstable people always make wise decisions?) Anyway, I went with him because he wanted me to. He’s gone with me to the gynecologist office. He hates that.

I hate the “happily ever after” endings that are pushed in Disney movies. It doesn’t happen that way. It isn’t all sweetness and light. There are times when you won’t like each other. There are times when you’ll want to run away. But then there are times when you hold each other, and know that there is no place you’d rather be. Love is a give and take. You each have to give 100%.

I’m no marriage guru. What works for us won’t work for other people. But I know we have a foundation of trust. We have a history of working through some difficult things. We have survived this long. Asking David out was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s amazing how well we fit together. We’ve had some tough times, but we held on to each other, and rode those waves out.

You have to built a solid foundation to have a strong house. Start out by being honest, once you lose trust, it is hard to build back again. And the truth always finds a way to surface. Expose your dark side, bring it to light. If it’s not a secret, it can’t hurt you.

Trust and respect are so important in any relationship. You need both to make it work. If you don’t trust your partner, then you will always be at odds. If you don’t respect your partner, then your relationship is a lost cause. You won’t be able to trust them to have your best interests at heart.

I didn’t treat my husband with respect, in the sense that I developed feelings for someone else. You can’t control who you’re attracted to, or who you fall in love with. But you can control how you react to it. I went with the feeling instead of walking away from it. I deeply regret that I hurt my husband, but I still believe what happened was meant to happen. And that it was needed. But I did treat my husband with respect, in that I told him what was going on. He responded with the fact that he wasn’t going to give up on me, or our marriage.

I was told that he had no backbone, and that he would let me do anything I wanted. No, he wouldn’t. He just had the wisdom to know that eventually, things would work out. That I would lose those feelings, and I did. He could have easily have said he was done with me, and divorced me. But he showed his love, and made sure I knew how much I meant to him.

That’s another very important thing. knowing that your spouse has your back. You could be wrong, but they’ll still fight for you and protect you from harm. When you work as a team, you support each other.

We’ve been together 22 years, and married for 21 of those. We aren’t perfect. We don’t have a perfect marriage. But we are perfect for each other. I love him, I respect him, and I am honored to call him my husband. I try to be a good wife, but I fail sometimes. Thankfully, he knows I’m not perfect, and loves me anyway.

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