reflections

Flawed, but useful

I wish I knew what my purpose in life was. Some people are born knowing what they’re destined for. They work at it, and achieve it. A guy I had in my French class for 5 years in school, is a heart transplant surgeon. He knew he was going to be a doctor.

I’m 47 years old, and I don’t have a clue. I’m a wife. That’s the only thing I know for certain. I work as a cashier, and watching an elderly lady. I spend my days online on Twitter, Facebook and on WordPress. Maybe God has a reason for me to be doing those things. I’ve had two very different people tell me that talking to me was like getting therapy.

Is the surgeon’s life more valuable than mine? Technically, it is. He has skills. He can save bodies. Maybe my skill is being a friend, and helping to heal their minds. Both of those people benefited from the time spent interacting with me. Maybe because of me, they’ll be around to help someone else. Maybe one of his kids will cure cancer.

We’re all interconnected. Our lives touch so many other lives. Maybe that smile you gave someone convinced them that life wasn’t so bad, and to stick around for another day. Maybe that small act of kindness saved someone’s life. You never know.

I feel pretty worthless sometimes. I don’t have anything materialistic to show for my life. I never had any kids. But, maybe I made someone laugh who really needed to laugh. You can’t put a value on that, but sometimes it’s priceless.

People come, and go in our lives. Sometimes we remember them with smiles. Sometimes all we remember is the pain they caused. Sometimes we never think of them at all, but they changed our lives without realizing it.

I was watching Grey’s Anatomy tonight, and it made me reflective. It made me cry too. I read something one time, it said tell your story, because you don’t know who might need to hear it. I talk about my life, and it irritates some people. But maybe there is someone out there who needs to know they aren’t alone. I’m still learning, but maybe I can teach as well.

I don’t take the bible literally, after all it is a book of fables written by men. But it always gave me encouragement that God used ordinary, flawed people. There was only one perfect person in the entire book.

I am a flawed person. I make plenty of mistakes. I do things I shouldn’t do. But I can be used in a positive way. I just leave myself open to the universe. I try to put positive vibes out there. I try to do good things. Anyway, I’m here. God uses me in weird ways, but I know I am used.

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2 thoughts on “Flawed, but useful

  1. *hugs* Your life is valuable, and the work you do is necessary to have a functioning society. And you’re right — just by being a part of society, you touch people in countless ways that you might not even know. And the interactions you have online are part of this world too — helping people feel good about themselves and learn about themselves is not relegated to face to face contact.

    Liked by 1 person

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