It struck a nerve

I just watched an episode of Call the Midwife, and it dealt with a man charged with gross indecency with another man. The man charged was married. He could have gone to prison for two years, just for kissing another man in a public bathroom. He chose chemical castration instead. He almost committed suicide.

It had me in tears. It freaks me out to think that in some countries, I could be put to death for being bisexual. Even though I’ve never been with a woman.

I can’t change who I am. I honestly wish I could. You are born with your sexuality, you can’t change that. You can learn to ignore it, but it doesn’t go away. It can’t be cured. It’s not a damn disease to be “cured”.

I used to think that I was born in the wrong era, but now, I’m really glad that I wasn’t. I’m not “proud” of being bisexual, it’s like being proud of having green eyes. It is what it is. But I’m not ashamed of it either. It’s a part of me.

Life would be easier without the added complication of wanting something I can’t have, but it is part of my life. It certainly isn’t worth ending my own life over.

I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had known, and accepted it earlier in my life. But I wasn’t ready then. I wouldn’t have been ready to handle that knowledge. Thankfully, I had already accepted that you can’t control attraction, that God made people the way they are, and it isn’t a bad thing, before I knew I was bi. I didn’t have the conflicts so many people do have.

I don’t have a conflict with being bisexual, and being a Christian. I believe this is the way God made me. So he must be good with it.

I don’t understand other peoples fears, and anger towards gay people. What does it matter to them? One quote sticks in my head, “If your marriage is threatened by same sex marriage, than one of you is gay”. Seems logical to me. How else would it effect the average person?

I’m bisexual. It honestly doesn’t effect my life that much. I’m married to a man, and I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman. But just knowing that I could be killed for being me leaves a scar on the psyche. Why do people hate so much?

Homosexual behavior is found in over 150 different species. It’s not unnatural. We aren’t freaks. If you think about it, we should all be bisexual. After all, we are a mix of both male and females genes.

Ok, I think my rant is done. That episode of Call the Midwife really shook me up. The poor guy had to be chemically castrated to avoid jail. And be forced to live a lie for the rest of his life. All for being who he was. All because he wasn’t “normal”. It’s so wrong.

Is it sad that I’m grateful for being bisexual instead of homosexual? To be grateful that my soul mate is a male, and not a female? I know I can love a woman, and it feels natural. I don’t have a problem with that aspect. It’s just easier to have the male soul mate.

I’m grateful that I don’t have to live a lie. I’m grateful that attitudes are changing. I wish they could change faster. I’d glad that I can be who I am, at least in this country.


2 thoughts on “It struck a nerve

  1. That’s pretty fucked up and interesting that a TV show would dare to reflect such a real-life situation as that; not sure if that helped or hurt homosexuals in their quest for true equality. Having been to a few countries in the world, it’s always made me damned glad that I live in the US.

    Like, when we went to Jamaica, Linda (who has been there too many times) warned me not to let any of my bi side come out because Jamaicans are fiercely homophobic and have been known to kill any man they even think is gay – and that place is paradise, right?

    I think this vicious behavior toward homosexuals was born from the tenets of the Old Testament where homosexuals were put to death and all because they weren’t into the strictly mandated boy/girl combo that, admittedly, was absolutely necessary for procreation and, from I’ve been told, every religion has a version of this that proclaims such behavior to be a sin punishable by death.

    Sounds crazy, huh? Today, we don’t have a procreation problem and even people unable to create offspring in the accepted way can benefit from science’s ability to get sperm to meet egg outside of the parents’ body, fertilize it, and implant the embryo… but do you remember the fuss a lot of people made about this and them yelling about this wasn’t natural?

    We have this global or, really, species-related hatred of homosexuals; we act as if they’re not normal, that they are aberrations of nature and this is in the face of the undeniable fact that homosexuals (and bisexuals) have been around before there was organized religion came to be. They exist (duh, right?) and some cultures will still go out of their way to eradicate anyone who isn’t heterosexual and all because their religion says to do this.

    Getting crazier, huh?


    • The show is well written. And it did a good job of describing the turmoil of being a gay/bi man in 1960 London. It was very sympathetic to the character. And as well as to the lesbian nurse still in the closest.


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