Can we be friends?

I used to think that males and females could be just friends. That’s true in some cases, but certainly not in all of them. Sex gets in the way. It doesn’t have to be actually physical contact, but just the fact that one of them wants to have sex with the other.

It’s a pain. I don’t want someone to have those feelings for me. It makes things awkward. You don’t want to hurt them by telling them that there isn’t a chance, but you don’t want to encourage it either.

I used to think that no one would be interested in me. Yeah, right. Then explain the stalker, the obsessed nut case, and various other men through the years. A few months after I got married, I had a coworker (a guy I did not interact with much) tell me that if my marriage didn’t work out, he was there. What the hell? Who says that to a newlywed?

I fell in love with someone on Twitter.  But he didn’t flirt with me, and I didn’t flirt with him. We just talked as friends.

I’ve gotten hit on several times on Twitter. I honestly freaked out that the guy I fell for on Twitter was 18 years younger than I am. I couldn’t help that. But I had another guy who was 28, talk to me in DMs, and assume I’d be willing to meet him for sex. And this was after a 5 minute, non sexual chat. Really?

I happen to be a female who enjoys sex. I enjoy talking about sex. Unfortunately, to some people that is an invitation. I can’t own my own sexuality without it being seen as inviting more.

I’m not going to play innocent. I have flirted with a few people. But in general, I don’t flirt. I don’t encourage people to have those feelings. I have been on the receiving end of an obsession, and it’s not a pleasant thing.

I went off on a tangent again. I used to think males and females could be friends. My best friend is a guy. There is nothing sexual at all there. He’s not my type, and I’m certainly not his type. I tend to make friends more easily with guys. But I guess in some cases, that sexual beast rares its head up.

What happens when a male and female are friends, and things change? Can it go back to being friends. Will there always be a sexual tension there? Can you ignore it? Or do you have to stop being friends?

Why does life have to be so stupid, and complicated? If I like you as a friend, I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to have another attraction to anyone else.

So, life is complicated. People develop attractions, and emotions. I do still believe that males and females can be friends. But I have also learned that those friendships can change, whether you want them to or not. I guess the trick to remaining friends is to keep the extra emotions to yourself. Because once they get revealed, everything changes.

Oh, and as a footnote, I always wondered why I had more male friends than females. I think it was because I never saw myself as attractive to guys (even though I have proof otherwise) and it was easy to be in the friend zone. But I have always been attracted to females too, and that made me awkward around them, and I didn’t know how to act.


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