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A step forward

I went to the beach by myself today. That may not seem like a big deal to most people, but it is to me. I have a case of social anxiety. It isn’t nearly as severe as some people’s, but it’s enough to make my life difficult.

I don’t even usually leave the house on my own, unless it’s to go to work, or pay a bill. So, for me to leave the house at 5am (I’m not a morning person) is a feat on its own. And traveling by myself in the dark is a big deal. I’m always afraid of something happening. But I had a full tank of gas, and my box cutter in my pocket as protection.

So I drove 50 miles to see a sunrise that I didn’t get to see because of the rain clouds. But it was a victory to me. I did it. I got myself out of the house, and did something alone. I missed my husband the entire time, but I needed to do it.

If you’ve never experienced social anxiety, you have no idea how crippling it is. But I had to do this for myself. I needed some beach time for my sanity. So I had to fight my fears, and just do it.

I didn’t stay at the beach long because I was tired, and my stomach was acting up. I also missed my husband. So I left after a few hours. But I went, and that was good enough for me.

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