Is it a wonderful life?

My favorite movie is It’s A Wonderful Life. I empathize with George Bailey. Many times I’ve felt like I’m worth more dead than alive. So many times I wished I could have the experience of seeing what the world would be life without me in it. Would it be a better place, or a worse one?

Where would my husband be? I doubt he would have ever gotten married without me. He just never believed someone would love him, so he didn’t try. (If you ever met him, you’d know that isn’t true)

Would J have had the nerve to ask his girl out without his interactions with me? He says probably not. And that would have been a shame, because she fits him perfectly.

Would my brother have met his wife, and had 5 kids? She was a school friend of mine, and spent many weekends at our house.

Would the guy obsessed with me have gone to south Florida, and gotten shot?

I’ve had a few people online tell me that talking to me was like therapy, and I helped them. I’ve had people on Twitter tell me I helped them feel better about themselves. That I’ve cheered them up.

What would have happened to that German couple if I hadn’t taken them home, and let them spend the night instead of knowing they were headed off through a bad section of town?

What would have happened if I didn’t get involved with the married guy? Would he have still lost his temper at work, and lost his job?

Would the coworker obsessed with having sex with me have gotten fired if he hadn’t tried to get me fired?

Would the animals from the SPCA have gotten adopted without my help?

I wonder about so many things. Is the world a better place with me in it? I was talking to T last night (yes, she’s back again) and she told me talking to me has helped her. I give her a different perspective on things.

My personal motto is Do no harm, but take no shit. I try to do more good than bad. I’m human, and I make mistakes, but I try to not do bad things. Today I was wondering what people would say about me if asked. I don’t know. I don’t see myself how people see me. During a conversation, I said that I didn’t know how anyone could love me. I was told because I’m easy to love.

I have no clue what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I’m just here. I know I’d rather make someone laugh instead of making them mad. I’d rather know I improved someone’s day instead of pissing them off.

Once again, I don’t really know where I’m going with this. But I really would like to know how me being in this world has changed things, for better or worse. I just know that I’m going to keep on being me, and hope for the best.


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