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Blessed

Sometimes I get down in the dumps, and feel like I’m never going to see daylight again. But then I think about all that I am blessed with. I had two decent parents, and a safe home to grow up in. I got to go to school, and wasn’t pulled out to pick vegetables in a field like my sister in law was made to do. I grew up being very involved in my church, and that helped save my life.

I got to go to college. I screwed it up, but the two years I was there were priceless. It taught me some valuable things in life. I had some bad experiences with some men, but they taught me to appreciate a good man when I found him.

Some people never get to experience love. I found the love of my life/my soul mate where I worked. He came in almost every day, and after talking to him for months, I asked him out on an impulse. We’ve been married 21 years now.

Nineteen years into my marriage, I met someone online, and managed to fall in love with my friend. It happened to me, and it still seems so bizarre. I’ve never met him in person, but that really doesn’t change the feelings I have for him. I love him, but I know and accept that I can’t be with him. And that’s ok too. His friendship is more important to me than anything else.

I also learned that I can love a woman. That in itself is not bizarre, it feels natural. But the fact that I’m already in love with two different men makes it a little strange.

I have a home with my awesome husband. We both have jobs (even though mine sucks). We both have vehicles. And we have our crazy dogs. I have so many positives in my life.

Sometimes I focus too much on the negatives, and forget all I have to be thankful for. We all have dark moments, thankfully mine don’t last too long.

I’m not thin. I’m not “beautiful”. I’m shy, and way too introverted. I’m not wealthy. I can’t afford alot of things people take for granted. But I have a home, I’ve never gone hungry. I know what it’s like to be loved by a good man. I am blessed, and I need to remember that when I start feeling the darkness trying to pull me down. I just need to smile, and be grateful.

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