I got a “Good morning, beautiful” message this morning. It made me smile. It wasn’t from my husband.
Last night, while we were bed, getting ready to do to sleep, I asked him why he loved me. He said because I loved him, and took care of him. That made me cry, because that isn’t what I needed to hear.
I need to be told he loves me because I’m beautiful, that I’m smart, or funny. I need to know I’m worth more to him than just the fact that I love him.
I don’t expect grand gestures from him. I don’t expect jewelry, or fancy gifts. I don’t even like getting cut flowers. I know he loves me. He shows it all the time. But I need to hear those things. I need to hear him say them.
Last year, he was unconsciously pushing me away because of his health problems. And that left me vulnerable. It allowed someone else the opportunity to tell me those things. And I wanted to hear them.
That situation allowed me to go down paths I never should have taken. I’m not blaming my husband for my actions, I am responsible for what I did. But the situation caused me to develop a need, and I allowed someone else to fill it.
I have needs, and they aren’t physical. I have the need to feel wanted. I have the need to know I am worth something. I feel like I shouldn’t even be having those feelings, but I do.
I love my husband, and I know he loves me. But sometimes, it feels like it isn’t enough. I need to know that I’m wanted. I know I sound pathetic. I have the perfect man for me, and I’m whining because he doesn’t tell me things. I don’t know how to deal with this.