Most of all, I learned

I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past 18 months. Things I would never have imagined.

I learned that I could love more than one person at a time romantically.

I learned that I could compartmentalize things to avoid feeling guilty.

I learned that I was bisexual.

I learned that things I thought were harmless fun, were far from harmless. They were devastating.

I learned that being in love with the wrong person is painful.

I learned that coming out, and being my true self is both freeing and yet, so fraught with pain.

I learned my actions have far reaching consequences.

I learned that maybe by just being there, I could help a friend.

I learned that some things are meant to happen, even if they make no sense at all.

I learned just how much my husband loves me. ☺

I learned that I’m not willing to be controlled.

I learned that actions speak much louder than words.

I learned that words mean nothing.

I learned that promises mean nothing.

I learned to be careful who I trust.

I learned that some promises mean everything.

I learned that some people mean it when they say forever.

I learned that I am not always a nice person.

I learned that I can love more than I ever thought possible.

I learned to accept, and to let go.

I learned to enjoy the good.

I learned that life is wild, and unpredictable.

I learned that some people only hang around as long as they are getting what they want.

I learned how truly evil some people can be.

I learned how some truly wonderful other people are.

I learned that just having a friend listen to you can mean the difference between life, and deciding to end it.

I learned that even bad people have some good in them.

I learned that respect is paramount to a relationship. There is no future without it.

I learned that I can love a woman, and it feels natural.

I learned that you can love someone, and not like them much at all.

I learned the true meaning of sociopath and narcissist.

I learned that I am not going to change my behavior because someone else disproves of it.

I learned that I have a right to my opinion, even if others think I should be quiet.

I learned you can’t please everyone.

I learned that people will see what they want to see. And hear what they want to hear.

I learned that some people are threatened by me embracing my own sexuality.

I learned that some people think they can tell you who you are.

I learned how some people have double standards. What is ok for someone else to do, is not ok for you.

I learned that sexuality is not a choice. Choosing to act on it is.

I learned that the thought of losing my husband terrifies me. I learned to not take him for granted.

I learned that you need to let go of someone who doesn’t wish to stay.

I learned that jealousy is a wasted emotion.

I learned that if you love someone, you’d do everything possible to be with them.

I learned that age doesn’t really matter.

I learned that the most unlikely of people can fall in love.

I learned that love doesn’t conquer all.

I learned that some love is forever.

I learned that a friendship can change into something else.

I learned that appearance has nothing to do with attraction.

I learned that people find me attractive.

I learned that sexy is an attitude.

I learned that personality draws people more than appearance does.

I learned how easy it is for some people to walk away.

I learned that sometimes, saying nothing says it all.

I learned that you can be in love with more than one person, but you can’t love them equally.

I learned that some people associate being bisexual with threesomes, being promiscuous, unfaithful, not able to commit.

I learned there is bias against bisexuals from both the gay and straight communities.

I learned that being bi meant I wasn’t straight. That seems obvious, but the fact hit me hard.

I learned how two faced some people can be.

I learned that you can cheat on your partner, without ever touching another person.

I learned that love can sneak up on you without ever realizing it is happening.

I learned that people will judge you, no matter how many skeletons they have stuffed in their closet.

I learned that some people aren’t capable of loving someone else.

I learned that age, race and gender has nothing to do with who I love.

I learned that my best friend is a bisexual male.

I learned that it is possible to have an intense sexual relationship with someone using only words on a screen.

I learned that voices can trigger a physical response.

I learned that hearing the person you love say your name has a powerful effect.

I learned that sometimes, a person just needs to feel wanted.

I learned that it feels good to be told that I’m beautiful.

I learned what a powerful aphrodisiac it is to hear how aroused someone is from their voice.

I learned that letting go comes in stages.

I learned that you cry more over the wrong person than you do over the right one.

I learned that soul mates exist.

I learned that I’m a Christian who doesn’t believe in religion.

I learned how bigoted some people are.

I learned that at 47 years old, I’m still a work in progress. God isn’t done with me yet.

I learned that temptation is everywhere.

I learned that I’m capable of doing things I thought I would never do.

I learned that falling out of love with someone is so much more painful than falling in love with them.

I learned that some people never mature.

I learned that some people love to manipulate others.

I’ve been through some bizarre events in the last 18 months. If someone tried to warn me, I would have told them they were nuts. So many things happened, and I changed because of them. I will never be the person I was before. I will never view people the way I did before. I’ve loved, and I’ve lost. I betrayed my husband, but he wasn’t willing to give up on me. I learned so many things I had no clue about before. But I have learned. And I learned to not make the same mistakes again.


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