Seventeen years ago this time, I almost died. I lost over half my body’s blood supply. I was bleeding so heavily, I just laid in the bathtub, and let it drain. I went to the ER in the morning, and got an emergency D&C done.
There are times when I almost wish I’d just fallen asleep, and let nature take its course. I would have just passed out, and never known what was happening. My body was trying to kill me, and I could have let it.
But, I made my husband get up, and take me to the hospital. I had the surgery, and I’m still here seventeen years later. I have no idea what my purpose in life is. Most of the time I feel like I’m just a waste of space.
But I suppose I have some purpose. My husband would be lost without me. There are people I’ve helped along the way. There are many animals whose lives I helped saved by volunteering at the SPCA. Maybe I’m just here as comic relief for some people. I love to make people laugh.
I used to be a really grumpy person. But the last few years, I’ve discovered it much more fun to laugh and make others smile than it is to complain. It makes my day when people tell me that I made them laugh, or even better, spit out their drink. ☺
I have my dark days when I do wish nature had taken me out. But God must want me around for some reason. I’ve had so many close calls, and I’m still here.
I should have died seventeen years ago, but I didn’t. I’m here, and I try my best to be a good person and do good things. I don’t always succeed on the being good part, but I try. Maybe I haven’t found my calling yet, or maybe I’m already fulfilling it and don’t even know it. I just know that I can only just be me, and do the best I can.