Reality comes stages

It took 46 years, and an attraction to a female friend for me to realize that the feelings I’ve had all my life meant I was bisexual. (I’m obviously good at burying feelings.) So I finally admitted to myself, and to others that I was bisexual.

I thought I was handling it fairly well. But I was sort of wrong. I didn’t know what reality was. Then one night, I realized that being bisexual meant I wasn’t “straight”. Whoa…. that fact hit me. I first got goosebumps, then started crying. I’ve never been “normal”, but this meant I was really not mainstream.

I’m not straight, but I’m not gay either. I am attracted to both sexes. I get turned on by both sexes. (Not a good thing in the sense that I have so much to turn me on) 

I’m married to a man, but I’d really like to experience being with a woman. That won’t happen, because I won’t cheat, but the desire is still there. Then, that thought makes me realize if I have sex with a woman, it’s lesbian/gay sex. So, yeah, facts are hitting me at odd times.

Other facts I’ve learned have kind of hit hard. Bisexuals aren’t really accepted by gays or straights. People claim it doesn’t exist. That bisexuals are greedy or selfish. They think that a bisexual is more likely to cheat because there are more temptations. People think we can’t maintain a long term relationship with one partner. That we’re just gay people who won’t admit it or commit to it.

I kind of figured that straight people would have a problem with bisexuals, but I wasn’t really expecting it from gay people too. I feel like we’re pariahs among society’s outcasts.

I still have alot to learn. About being bi, about society, and about myself. And I’m a late bloomer, and have alot to catch up with. It’s all a journey, and I’m starting with baby steps.


9 thoughts on “Reality comes stages

  1. Well said! I don’t really ignore what society has to say about being bi – I just don’t let what they say get in the way of me living my life; if I paid more attention to society’s ranting and raving about bisexuals, I’d never get anything done and I’d probably be on Prozac.

    One of these days – and I hope I live to see it – society will get its head of out its collective ass and accept the fact that the sexual world isn’t and never was just black and white. All the bad stuff that’s been around since I was a very young bisexual isn’t just “our wickedness” even though they fail to point out that whatever problems they say bisexuals bring to the table, straights and gays bring these same things, too – how convenient of them not to mention it, huh?

    I can understand why you’d be surprised that gay folks are biphobic (or whatever); one would think that because we do share something in common with them, they’d be a bit more understanding. Sadly, some have invoked something that has always been a black eye for the human race: If you’re not like us, you’re against us and must be eliminated and by any means necessary.

    Such an idiotic way to behave and more so when today’s society is supposed to be so much more enlightened.


    • Honestly, alot of the stuff I’m learning really surprises me. I didn’t know about the bi phobia or bi erasure. Also, how being bi effects me personally. I went to a really small Christian college. I always had hope that I could some day go back and finish. But now, I realize that wouldn’t be possible even if I had the money.


      • Why would going back not be possible, lack of money aside? Even if going there means you learn more about your faith along the way, does it – would or should it – change anything about you?

        I understand the, ah, religious complications but you said so yourself (and correctly so) that if God didn’t mean for you to be this way, you wouldn’t. You believe this to be true and, as such, your faith in God is intact and your personal relationship is deep in your heart and soul.

        What would change that, Ellen? You know, people can berate me for being bisexual… but no one – and I mean no one – gets to mess with my faith and that especially goes for those Christian people who believe I shouldn’t be the way I am.

        I understand why they’d want this… but it’s my decision to make, just as it’s your decision and while they can tell me how wrong it is not to be straight, I find fault in them for not accepting me as I am.

        But that’s me. The reality does come in stages as you learn more about yourself in this – and it is a process and conflicting things will appear at times but at the end of any day, my newest friend, it’s all about being true to yourself even if others see you as not really being as mainstream as they’d like for you to be.

        I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’ve found fulfilling and satisfying but my sexuality had nothing to do with reaching the goals that I reached; that was my intelligence and personal drive to be the best person I could be. That I’m also bisexual is just a footnote even though I do believe that my sexuality helped me to understand the world around me by opening my mind and allowing me to look at every aspect of something instead of being of a single mind about everything.

        It’s one of the reasons my sexuality stopped “bothering” way before any of this current stuff came along and if being true to myself means I’m not exactly playing by everyone else’s rules, okay, I’m good with that.

        And you should be as well.


      • When I was a student there (almost 30 years ago) we actually had to sit in chapel, and listen to a sermon on why homosexuality was wrong. Maybe things have changed, and maybe they haven’t. But I know I have changed. I’d probably stand up, start arguing and get kicked out. It was just a pipe dream anyway.


      • I understand and thank you for answering the question; I would get kicked out right after I started laughing – I just can’t sit and listen to that and not find it hilariously funny and more so since I’m not a homosexual. I do understand why it’s “wrong” – but I also understand that the truth is something very different – they just don’t want anyone doing anything that isn’t boy/girl and that’s because we shouldn’t do anything that doesn’t produce babies.

        I find it even funnier since I know people who are either bisexual or gay AND they like standing in pulpits on Sundays and talking to others about the wages of sin. “Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t work for any of this… then again, the more enlightened religious minds work on telling everyone to just be the best person they can be instead of fussing about how everyone’s going to hell.


      • The whole “sex is for procreation purposes only” line is bull too. I’m infertile, so does that mean I’m never supposed to have sex with my husband? Does that mean menopausal women can no longer have sex either? God made it enjoyable for a purpose.


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