It took 46 years, and an attraction to a female friend for me to realize that the feelings I’ve had all my life meant I was bisexual. (I’m obviously good at burying feelings.) So I finally admitted to myself, and to others that I was bisexual.
I thought I was handling it fairly well. But I was sort of wrong. I didn’t know what reality was. Then one night, I realized that being bisexual meant I wasn’t “straight”. Whoa…. that fact hit me. I first got goosebumps, then started crying. I’ve never been “normal”, but this meant I was really not mainstream.
I’m not straight, but I’m not gay either. I am attracted to both sexes. I get turned on by both sexes. (Not a good thing in the sense that I have so much to turn me on)
I’m married to a man, but I’d really like to experience being with a woman. That won’t happen, because I won’t cheat, but the desire is still there. Then, that thought makes me realize if I have sex with a woman, it’s lesbian/gay sex. So, yeah, facts are hitting me at odd times.
Other facts I’ve learned have kind of hit hard. Bisexuals aren’t really accepted by gays or straights. People claim it doesn’t exist. That bisexuals are greedy or selfish. They think that a bisexual is more likely to cheat because there are more temptations. People think we can’t maintain a long term relationship with one partner. That we’re just gay people who won’t admit it or commit to it.
I kind of figured that straight people would have a problem with bisexuals, but I wasn’t really expecting it from gay people too. I feel like we’re pariahs among society’s outcasts.
I still have alot to learn. About being bi, about society, and about myself. And I’m a late bloomer, and have alot to catch up with. It’s all a journey, and I’m starting with baby steps.